Wednesday, February 01, 2006

ZOLTAN: Savior of Middle Earth

This is part of a series of guest writers telling the story of Zoltan. Together, we shall assemble the most extensive Zoltan litergy on the world wide web.

Special by Chun Li,

Ok so how about this one time ZOLTAN was wandering around Mount Doom and Frodo was all like, "never mind I'm a little halfling weakling and I'm totally going to keep the ring for myself" and Gollum was all like, "no you don't, bitch" and totally chomped down on his finger and the Sunbelt ref was all "no flag on the play" and then ZOLTAN was totally like "this is lame" and called down his minions and while the minions were tearing and devouring the guts of the Sunbelt ref, Zoltan drew back his mighty leg and kicked Gollum into the fire, thereby saving Middlearth.

ZOLTAN's First Word;
Mrs. Mesko was sitting in her rocking chair in Olde Romania, knitting a suit of chain mail for her six month old son. In his crib, Zoltan was sucking on his blood pacifier and meditating on the mobile above him. The rotating circles and animals and rainbows made him think of the enemies he would one day PUNTINATE, and so with a mighty effort he stood up in his crib, drew a deep breath and roared, "AWESOME!"

His mother threw him his rattle and he raised that in the air, a blue rattle shaped like a scepter with a Z on the crest and he roared his second phrase, which was "GO BLUE!"

Keep the Haiku's coming, and please contribute to the ZOLTAN litergy.


Chun Li said...

...I am such a geek.

We need a story about ZOLTAN'S first encounter with a Buckeye.

ye said...

I never understood what the hell a "buckeye" actually was. I think the mascot is some sort of bird but buckeye always sounded like a finishing move......the ones you see in pornographic movies.

Debacle said...


I think the trusty wikipedia will help us out here:

Note, the Buckeye nut is poisonous and the biggest Buckeye tree is in Kentucky, not Ohio. OH SNAP!

ye said...

ahh, my ignorance truly shines through on this one. So their mascot is a stupid tree? It's a miracle that this team has any fan base at all. How dare they make it sound like something you do after having sex....!!!

Zoltan said...

This Zoltan stuff is really F***ING stupid. You had better just let it go or I will puntinate your blog into the stratosphere!

I thought this blog was called "debacles" not the Zoltan Fan Club for silly little girly men.

puntinatingly yours,

ps. You think you know me, but you DON'T!

Debacle said...

Saddens me does your comment. Never so hurtful would the real Zoltan be.

WOOT. I'm awesomes