I have a stalker, and I'm both creeped out and slightly amused by how weird it is. Stalker, if you are reading this, please identify how you know me and got my contact information.
On Friday, November 30th at 1:37PM, our hero is sitting at work programming away, when he receives a text message from a number he doesn't recognize with a Chicago area code:
Any plans tonight?
I had no clue who this person was and sent an embarrassed reply that said:
sorry, who is this?
At 2:49PM, I received a reply:
It's cool. It's rob
Oh, Rob, of course. Wait, Rob who? I don't know any Rob's in Chicago. Except for a friend of a friend that I'd seen last a couple weeks prior. I guess it was him. I had plans anyway, so I sent a text back:
Thanks for the invite. But, I can't make it.
Rob then sent a reply at 5:31PM:
We're going out tomorrow on halsted let me know
Okay, well I guess it's nice how much he wants to hang out. But, it's a little weird given how poorly I know him.
On Sunday December 2nd at 5:46 AM, I'm woken from my slumber when my phone buzzes with another text message:
Okay, that was a little creepy. I mean, wanted to hang out is one thing, but needing to say hello... I went back to bed and later called up my friend, we'll call him Fozzie, who I met Rob through and asked what Rob's deal was. Fozzie said he doubted those texts were from his buddy and later confirmed that his "Rob" wasn't my "Rob". Then who is my Rob, he must have a wrong number!
Nothing prepared our hero for what came next. At 11:30PM on Thursday, December 6th, Rob sent a new text:
Alright, this is no case of mistaken identity. This is clearly someone messing with me and it's starting to get annoying. It's 10cents a text! Messing with me is fine, but this was starting to get expensive! I sent Rob a reply:
I think you have the wrong number. I figured this would end the whole Rob odyssey.
At exactly midnight, I got the following text:
You don't want a 3 way? We can suck on your cock and balls
Woah! That's a bit over the top. I immediately dialed his number:
Stalker Rob: Hey, my partner and I are about to get started if you're interested
Debacle: Hey, who is this
Stalker Rob: It's Rob, Rob (mumbles last name)
Debacle: Do you know who I am
Stalker Rob: Yes, it's Debacle
He knows my first name! This must be a prank call.
Debacle: How did you get my information
Stalker Rob: We met at a Computer Science conference and I got your information there.
First off, no one in the programming world, calls it a computer science conference, this has to be someone pranking.
Debacle: What conference?
Stalker Rob: It was at McCormick Place a few years ago, a bunch of the big names were there Micrsoft, IBM, you know, it was a conference.
Well, he was partially right. I had gone to a presentation a few years ago at McCormick Convention Center, because of some new product that IBM had launched. But, it was IBM only. And, it just sounded like a lucky guess. I mean, every programmer has been to McCormick place for one reason or another. However, I don't remember ever giving my number away at that conference, and I think I would've remembered giving it away to Stalker Rob. Plus, even if I had, why would he call two years later sending me a lewd text message to switch teams and party it up.
Debacle: Why are you prank calling me?
Stakler Rob: I'm not pranking. I wouldn't have given you my name and number.
Debacle: Seriously, who is this?
Stalker Rob: This is Rob. Dude, I'm not pranking.
I needed to get to bed. It was too late for this. I wish I could've been more awake and played along.
Debacle: Whatever, have a good night.
The following morning, I revealed Stalker Robb to my co-workers. I had no idea who it was pranking me. My co-workers andI agreed, the only way to handle this was with prank text messages. So, we sent a couple pretty absurd text messages from fake number. Nothing as lude as what he sent, but about partying it up with him on Halsted.
On December 10th, at 10:50 PM, I heard from Rob again: ?
He had sent me a question mark. Were my fake text messages any weirder than the crap he sent me. I figured that was the end of it, finally. Until last night at 7:48 PM, Stalker Rob sent me another text:
Hey, i'm having a new years eve party. You should come
Okay, sure Stalker Robb, I'd love to come to your fake New Years Eve party. I'll play along. I'm curious who you are. I replied with:
Sure, what's your address
At 7:59PM, he replied with: (Chicago address I've never heard of) you can bring a friend if you like. We don't want nothing too big. With some cool lounge music!
The first thing I did, was look up the address, and it existed, way south east side of Chicago. Actually a decent neighborhood as it turns out. But, even so, he was just messing with me and giving me a silly address. Who has it out for me like this to mess with me this way. After the Death Star, I can't think of anyone who had it out for me, and that was a long time ago.
He followed immediately with a text message that said: Drinks. Also bring a drink of your choice. Cool, down to earth people only :-)
So, this morning at work, I was talking about Stalker Robb some more and showed them the new texts. They were as baffled as I was by the South Side address. We talked about it, I couldn't do a reverse lookup. I had to know who this was, just for curiosity's sake. Well, then it was called to my attention that for $15, I could do a reverse phone lookup. What the hell, I was game. Who was Stalker Rob. I couldn't wait to find out who was messing with me.
So, I looked up Stalker Rob, and what should I find, but... well... a Hispanic name, where the first name was Roberto. Roberto? Who the hell is that? I don't know any Robertos.
Then, I looked up the name in the Chicago White pages, and the address listed for the name was the same as the address of the party. It's a real address! Stalker Rob is real! Soylent Green is People! Stalker Rob is real!
Now, I'm freaked out...