Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Detroit Lions... It's Over

Dear Detroit Lions,

I have put off this post for quite sometime. But, I can't keep going through my life with a relationship as unfulfilling as ours. I'm sorry to do this over a blog and not in person, but... sorry, give me a second.... I just don't feel you're making any effort here. The Matt Millen era has pushed this beyond the point of no return.

I can change. Just give me a chance. Sweeping new changes are coming. A new era of
Detroit Lions football...

Shut up! You always promise me a new era of Lions football. You've won one playoff game since 1957! Do you have any idea how many people have been born and died since 1957? You've won 20 games since the end of the 2000 season. You've tied up a ludicrous amount of salary cap money in young wide receivers without addressing the obvious concerns, such as the horrendous offensive line or the quarterback position.

It's not my fault Joey Harrington sucks.

GAH!!! I've wanted this to work so bad. But you're showing me why it can't. You need to grow up. All you're doing is pointing fingers and not addressing the obvious problems. Harrington has not worked out as you would hope a #3 overall pick would. But, you haven't exactly put him in a position to succeed. You've surrounded him with a second rate offensive line, an almost non-existent running game (except for 2004) and a wide high priced receiver corp. that has been MIA. Don't you realize, Payton Manning and Joe Montana would've struggled in this environment.

You expect too much of me. All Detroit fans are too negative. Not everyone can be the Red Wings and win you a championship every other year or the Pistons go to work every night with Ben Wallce. We can't all have awesome froes!

Oh Detroit Lions, how do you live with yourself? Detroit wants nothing more than a winning NFL franchise. Do you remember the support that was always drummed up during the Wayne Fontes "save my job" playoff runs? The fans don't need the New England Patriots. They'd settle for the consistently mediocre and unimpressive Kansas City Chiefs. That's all we need from you. Just make it fun to watch games. The only thing I was thankful for during the 27-7 loss to the Falcons on Thanksgiving was that I wasn't in the stadium. The previous year you lost 41-9 to the Colts on Thanksgiving. The only reason there's a Thanksgiving game in Detroit these days is so the other NFL franchises can be thankful they're not you.

Maybe you just need to go to a game. It really doesn't look so bad in person.

The last time I went to a Lions game, I got to the stadium an hour early, had to walk all the way around the stadium, spend an hour waiting in line at Will Call, and then walk all the way back around the stadium. By the time I got to my seats it was 17-3 Tampa Bay and the game was over. I'm tired of the excuses. I hope we can be friends down the road. But, I don't know if it's possible.

You're so ungrateful! I gave you Barry Sanders. The greatest running back in the history of game.

Yet, you only approached a Super Bowl once, never tried to build a team around him. He spent half his career in a run-and-shoot build around Rodney Peete. Rodney Peete! And Barry was so fed-up with you that he left when all he needed was a year to break the career rushing mark. And I'm going to leave you too. I can pick up another NFL franchise. Just because I'm from Michigan, and my Dad and Grandpa grew up watching you lose, doesn't mean that I have to take it to. I am not doomed to this abuse cycle. I am empowered. I and my own man. I see a wonderful future with myself and the San Diego Super Chargers!!!!

You don't mean that... you can't. You're killing me debacle, you're killing me!

This is hard for me to. Harder than you know. My whole life, fall Sunday's were Detroit Lions days.

Well... enjoy the Chargers. I hope they can bring you the happiness that I never could. It may not have looked like it. But, I tried. I tried Scott Mitchell, Ty Detmer, Gary Moller, Marty Morningweg, Charlie Batch, Jonnie Morton, Joey Heisman, Jeff Garcia, Mike McMahon, Charles Rogers and Steve Mariucci. It may not have worked. I made some bad choices. I'm sorry. But, I'm going to keep fighting, and one of these days, I'll bring Detroit something it'll be proud of. Maybe even a playoff win.

Oh Lions! How could I be so crass, I'm sorry! I don't know why I hurt you so. It's all my fault. I couldn't not be a Lions fan. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I know one day you'll treat me right.

It's okay Debacle. All I want is for you to be happy (not the best to open this at work). It's forgiven. Just don't scare me like that again...

Just one thing.

Oh debacle, for you, anything!

Could you fire Matt Millen and bring in someone who knows what they're doing personnel wise. Someone who won't point fingers, but addresses problems. You know, someone with experience.

I'll consider it at the end of the season. I'll do what's be for the organization.

Then we're on a break!!! As long as Millen is there, I'm no longer a Lions fan. I renounce the Detroit Lions! Go San Diego Super Chargers!!!!

In upcoming posts looks for:
Taco Bell 7-Layer attempt on my life
Remember the Alamo!
We're Dancing baby!
My Least Favorite Mid-Major: Notre Dame
Getting the Tag off My Running Shoes (when it happens. Wishful thinking perhaps)
Classic Looks: Don't forget the flowers
Nostradamus can eat my Nuts
The Victoria's Secret Incident

Debacle Index: Yellow Alert


Anonymous said...

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not your dorky kid sister said...

Debacle, one of my housemates is a Norte Dame fan. What do I do?

Simba said...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE LIONS SUCK?!?!? GRRRRRROWLLLL!!!!! If you were a zebra on the plains of Africa, you would be so dead right now! I wouldn't even eat you! You have offended not only the Detroit Lions Pride, but also the Pride of Simba! Why don't you pay a visit to the Zoo? My friends will be waiting for you!

The king of the jungle,

A2 Mom said...

Best yet. But can you really give up on the Lions?

A2 Dad said...

It could be worse. You could have grown up not only cheering for the Lions, but the Spartans too.

Anonymous said...

Here here, the spartans suck.

Mr. Banana said...

It may not be time for the Detroit Lions to win, but it DEFINITELY is time to visit my website.