Monday, December 12, 2005

I'm a single guy with cats

Near the end of my final tour of College, I was talking with my roomates about how I was going to get cats when I moved out on my own. I was somewhat surprised by how hillarious this idea struck them. Apparently, there's a bit of a stigma associated with a single dude owning cats. For some reason people think owning cats is somewhat effeminate... People tend to think of the crazy cat lady when they hear about a single guy owning cats. Let's face it, as a single dude, making people think about crazy cat ladies (these links are worth going to) isn't going to make the best first impression.

Well, the crazy cat ladies of the world have really hurt my game. I'm on a mission to dudify the stigma of cat ownership. Because, let's face it, I don't see what makes owning cats so girly. I was originally thinking about taking pictures of my cats when they look at porn, watch football and drink beer, just to show that cats can be good pets for dudes. But, I thought about it, and I wasn't sure that was the best course of action. I mean, I'm only a big fan of one of the three personally. And, I've met ladies who are game for all three. Besides, it's rather shallow to attempt to prove a point with tired stereotypes.

So, instead, I decided to just tell it like it is. I'll give you a window into what its been like since I got home and caught up with my cats. So, like I said, I have two. Their names are Mazel and Strider and they're brothers, both a year and a half old. It's really fraternal owning cats and it's amazing how two cats, both brothers, raised in basically the same environment, can have such strikingly different personalities. Mazel definitely got the looks and the charm. It can be a bit much sometimes, because it's like he always has something to prove and he won't stop talking about the "lats" (lady cats). But, he's pretty hilarious, and fun to have around. Strider on the other hand is a wonderful compliment. He's got a few extra ounces, which doesn't seem to bother his so much. Nothing phases him. He's the perfect wingman for Mazel, and he much prefers to let the "lats" (ugh, I can't get used to that word. Worst part of cat ownership) come to him.

I could tell they were home when I heard Usher's Yeah! blaring down the hallway. I asked them to turn it down a notch while I made dinner. They're good roommates, they had no problem with that. Mazel was in a good mood. He told me that the "smokin' lat" in the window was giving him serious vibe during the day. Strider gave him a high five as if to say, "You know it bro!" Mazel popped his collar up and confidently nodded.

Apparently, the "lat" (ugh, so painful to type), fell asleep in the window closest to my apartment, and was "totally pawing glass" at Mazel. During the glass pawing, Strider went to Limewire and downloaded Some Barry White song and blared it during the “glass pawing”. The "lat" left not long later, but she'd been on the window sill all day and was probably hungry. Also, trying not to show she was too interested. Yeah, that didn’t really make sense to me either. Mazel told me that if there was ever some cat food under the door, I should find somewhere else to crash. I mean that's fair, I don't want to be a game wrecker.

I was asking Mazel about this "lat". You know, what she was like. He just told me about how smokin' she was. Strider interjected several time some "Yeah dudes, she's totally fine" But, I was curious about personality and stuff. You know, what she was into. Wet or dry food, mice or spiders... etc... Neither of them knew how to answer the question. They just kept telling me about her thighs, front paws, utters, etc... I mean, I didn't see what the big deal was, I know what she looked like, I felt we didn't have to keep talking about it. To be honest, I got a little bored. But the two of them kept yapping up a storm about her. They still are... I can't say I understand cats. But, I think you'll agree, cats can be quite "dudish".

Although, at the same time, I haven't been around many female cats. Maybe they're different. Strider told me some stories about how they like to circle the fat on each other and eat nothing but catnip in an attempt to lose weight. I dunno... maybe that's different. Maybe crazy cat ladies only have "lats". I'm happy with my two cats. Kind of annoying how they want me to get Tivo just for "Desperate Housewives." I mean, I just can't always relate to them. But, it's fun. I have no regrets about being a single guy with cats.

As a side note, I promised to write a rant about the Lions today. Don't worry, that's coming. In addition, also on the horizon is a MyDebacles classic look back at "Two Thursdays Ago".

Debacle Index: Yellow Alert

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Debacle Index: Red Alert

Anonymous said...

fucking hillarious....but you sure do make cats sound a lot cooler than they are! haha

- Yoni

Bill Gates said...

Jonah,

You're such a f***ing sissy, and I came to that conclusion as soon as you started talking about your kitty cats and their *personalities*. Now normally an anonymous comment like this wouldn't hurt your feelings as much as if it were from a friend, but I'm BILL GATES and I'm calling YOU a sissy! ...Think about it...

Oh yeah, and if you want to be a mack-daddy like me, then get your sissy-ass cats some friggin' spiked collars or somethin'.

From the laptop of:
Bill Gates

Debacle said...

Mazel, I know how much you want a spiked collar, but impersonating Bill Gates at 3AM isn't going to get it for you. I really don't think the spiked collar is going to help you "vibe the lats" half as much as you think.

Nice try, but think about it, if it was really Bill Gates, he wouldn't have left his homepage as MSN. Btw, could you spend less time on the green fleece blanket. I'm getting tired of washing the hair out of it...

Gold Nugget said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Dude the E3W disagrees.

E3W




Graham

Gold Nugget said...

i resent you erasing my coment, but i'll make it nicer. Your cats are getting more than you, that is enough reason to panic.

Debacle said...

Goldie, something I’m hoping for from this site is for friends and randoms to leave somewhat intelligent comments both for laughs and to keep in touch with people. All your previous post did was point out how the word “pussy” had a double-entendre several times and then joke that my cats were getting more than me. Feel free to rip into me, but come on man, bring some game. Make it amusing. Believe it or not, there are some standards for this blog. Both of your last two flames generally won’t make it past quality control. As they say colloquially, “Go big or go home.”

not your dorky kid sister said...

Debacle, you made me laugh so hard I was choking. And then they had to call the ambulance. And then they had to give me one of those yucky masks, and then they were all laughing and making fun of me because I nearly choked to death while laughing, and then I kept laughing even more, and I kept flashing back to the time Mom laughed so hard milk spurted out of her nose...so anyway, thanks for nothing.

And it's not the cats that make you a sissy, it's everything else.

A2 Mom said...

This is great. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for letting me know about your blog.

Anonymous said...

Yoni hates cats...

Anonymous said...

Despite the obvious desire on the part of the writer to prove he is PC when it comes to feminism, there is a certain poignancy to his requests that his cats consider the personalities of their lat friends. Mice or dried food - now that is getting to the heart and soul of the Female Feline. However, I suspect the real point of the story is that the writer desires a female of his own species. He is advertising his cooking and listening skills, proving that he is not in fact a "dude" at all, but a really nice human being.
Auntie M